i might not understand exactly how you feel. i may not know all the "whys". i too wish for a way out of loneliness. An escape from a reality that is way too heavy. I manadged to fight these urges and thoughts by seeking strenght in the people that loved me. when I saw my mom running down the street as i was passing out from the pill box i took, i noticed her face of despair and agony. In a way, she saved me. Everytime I am about to give up, i am reminded of that same face. I would never want anyone i love to feel the way she felt because of my actions. I am unsure if this is a good solution or even a solution at all. But it helps me. Maybe it can help you too. I want to be someone who is there for you regardless. I cannot fill the role of a mother, father or sibling. I think I can't even be someone whom you can love romantically. But I am sure I would be able to be your friend. When your time comes, I will cry. I will move on. But i will never forget the teeth behind the prettiest smile I have ever seen. I will be here for you if you ever need someone to talk, make you company or even to enjoy silence and loneliness together.


she says go,

i say no,

words turn cold,

as we unfold,

i keep being told,

walk away,

as if i could,

there is no way,

if i could, i would,

it is unaturally natural, to me,

to seek her company.

to be ordinary,

is what i want to be,

if leaving is what you wish to do,

you do that. you be you.

i cannot stop waves from clashing on the shores,

before being refined, we are like a ore,

crude and simple,

romantic and biblical.

even if you give up,

or when you give up,

i want to be there.

these are my wishes,

fair or unfair,

i am but a hand that reaches,

i want to show,

not just with words.

that i am sorry.

to love is to worry,

and I too have my demons,

my own reasons,

to act like the boy i was,

my "because",

it reminded me of when mom left.

heart theft.

when i am thinking in bed.

angry and scared

broken and sad,

i am tainted yet i was spared.

Arrowless bow,

Uncertanty chords,

eternal internal conflict,

shapeless yet concrete,

the art in loving,

to see not a body,

but a heart, sturdy,

as if sharing,

who i am and what made me this way,

maybe, you will find a solution,

dennie the voices that obey,

stand proud like a lion.

because you are amazing...