I loved her and yet I choose to leave.

Sometimes, to truly love someone,

you must let them go.

At times, I can smell her scent,

even while never meeting her,

I can touch her fingertips, with my own,

although I was never present.

My smile, fake and bitter,

carries a certain honesty,

somehow.

I smile because I did the right thing,

and, if sweetness could be achieved,

it would only happen once I had kissed her.

I go to bed, every day,

I write, every night,

always with her in mind.

She trusted in me,

of that I am sure,

but, I let her down.

Not by missing the five AM call,

or, even, by not realizing in time.

I abandoned her.

Even if temporarily.

Even if by impulsivity.

I broke the trust,

she placed on me,

effortlessly and naturally. 

Even if I wanted to,

I have fucked up once to many times.

I walk down the stairway,

has my feet burn from the temperature,

of the charcoal and sulfur.

I accept the faith I carved,

in my arms and thighs.

I shall atone and repent,

in hell,

for eternity.

I know that even if she hates me,

I will still love her,

and, has the whip lashes on my back,

I will still lover her.

I am flawed,

tainted,

and a monster.