everything changed on the day I realized what it meant to lose someone whom I cherished more than my own happiness. in me lives a certain uncertainty regarding wanting something i don't want. to hold someone not with your hands but with your soul even if it ends up killing you. even if it ends up making you someone else. i realized way too late the meaning behind her forfeit of life and her disappointment in me. although i left i have always been there just like when you look for the pair of glasses that you lost and wear on top of your head. to see the world not with your eyes but with the lenses of depression is the same as to lose sight. it is a bitter feeling to have lost someone i would have died for. sometimes i cry when i am reminded of her face and her voice.