today i feel defeated. it feels has if i am but an abandoned dog on a dark and narrow halleyway. i crave for the acceptance of someone whom shall never accept me for who i am. i often feel as i am not enough. the things i want are as unreachable as the stars above. all my efforts, all my prayers and dreams all died with a single sentence. words that cut me as if being cut and torn in half by a bladesaw used by non other than justice itself. all my life i've lived on the verge of something i cannot describe. like my borderline personality, i stand, lost, between two different realities. i walk om this line as if on a circus. the world, bitter and shallow, made me realize that i am but a segment of it's story. i have changed. i have changed so much and yet i still often fail. i still often sin. i know that the faith i was trusted with by Allah is one i must fulfill. yet i stumble. yet i hesitate. i am a mistake. perhaps even a glitch on the matrix that we all live in. maybe i am dreaming the same life over and over again. who knows. my hands shake. my legs can't function properly. if this is what life as to offer my life on this world will not last much longer. if righteous is the one above then i shall by granted my death. even if in agony. even if dismembered and burnt alive. rather that than to live as me. i am sorry to everyone. tonight the voices stand victorious. tonight a part of me died and, maybe, tomorrow i shall to.