In my search of the understanding of love I have hit a dead line. My conclusions? I've realised that love can take many forms and can be shown in many ways. By animals, not all, but some. In my opinion, to humans love is something that makes you happy or atleast it should. It's something that changes you completly, for better or for worse. I've always been a hopeless romantic. Always believed that love would answer all the problems, all the questions. I did, in time, find that love doesn't fix anything, although it may break many. Self-love, the act to love yourself. The act to be selfish and egocentric. If you combine self-love with love for others you'll soon find out what kind of person you are. Are you a person who puts your needs and wishes in fron't of everyone else? The kind of person who finds a balance in life, giving and taking, always keeping the middle-ground? The kind of person who loves others more than themselfs? In each of these different kinds of people you'll find that all of them have ups and downs. Beneficts and debts.

I've always tried to love, and I admit, sometimes I've forced it upon others. I thought that my love would bring joy and harmony. It seems that i got it wrong. No love should be forced. No love should leave you sad. If love leaves you sad, it's not love, it's hell. There is no hapiness. There is no moving on. What's next? What's fucking next? Nothing's next. Your person dies, your world crumbles. The outside world is even worse. Full of light and noise. Full of darkness and stillness. You shut off from everyone and everything. You cry, yell, punch walls, for your love died.

I gave all I had. Every single part of me, I gave it to you. You threw me in the trash. Why? Because it's not good for me? Or maybe it's even worse for you. Even thou you say you've moved and forgot me. Why is that? Why does it hurt you, bothers you, leaves you angry? Because you've moved on? Because i'm irrelavant? I'm a story of the past? You've always had the habit to lie to yourself, over and over, until you believe the lie. But lies never last. It brings incongruence. Stuff doesn't make sense. You think something but you feel other things. You become split.

I'm going to try to find love in others things, better things. I'm going to try to love someone who deserves my time. I'm going to do all these things without you. Soon i'll met a person who loves me, and in september i'll have a taste of love. Not self-love. Real love. You're the most weird and sick person I have meet. And to be honest I think you should seek mental help. As someone who's fucked up in the head, it's not hard to distingish those who are okay from those you aren't. You have used me many times. You've led me to believe in stuff that would never happen. And most of all you gave up. Removing me from everywhere, even your heart. I fucking hate you and I have loving you. I was never happy with you and I can know understand that most of the things that happened with us was your fault. Because an action always leads to a reaction. You manipulative person, oh you mean person. I hope this time you leave for good because if there's a next chapter in this book things will be very different.