strange confort can be found,

spending time in bed, with yourself.

your thoughts,

your ideas and dreams,

when you lay on the matress,

they all florish inside,

like a flower in the spring.

to exist,

with no reason,

to exist,

with no meaning,

to exist.

to simply exist,

is to suffer.

under the rain,

only then my tears will be hidden,

disguised as simple drops of water,

that way, they will have meaning.

to water the plants,

to make life bloom.

maybe i will find purpose in death...

my corpse? food to the maggots,

fertiliser to the soil.

then, and only then,

i shall find meaning.

to crave atention as much as I,

is to suffer without knowing why,

in the midst of december, i am alone.

with my hand on my phone,

sweet dreams, child that still lingers,

friends? i count with with three fingers.

i am empty,

not as much as the space,

or the gap that keeps us distant,

i am empty,

a little bit like the sky during summer,

and, perhaps, like an abandoned shell.

i will suffer,

but i will not beg.

the atention that i crave so much,

comes from the solitude i've dealt with all my life.

tonight, it is okay to cry,

tonight. just tonight...

the food is tasteless,

silent words with no meaning,

loud screams of despair,

an empty heart,

a poluted mind,

are we alive?

maybe we are just surviving,

on a world filled with creatures.

ever lasting darkness,

a pigeon loses his compass,

people with no morals,

unjust system...

am I myself,

or am I you?

sometimes it rains,

other times it hails,

me, myself and I,

the triad of sin,

a black sheep.

to live is to find confort,

in the embrace of death.

as i walk down the alley,

the smell of rot invades my nostrils,

such is the guilt we carry,

great is the sin of man.

repent not tomorow but now,

love in the present,

for the future may never come,

for people like me and you.

a world where we could be ourselves,

is an utopia,

so, wear a mask,

wear many masks,

be a chameleon,

adapt and overcome.

to be kind is to be brave,

to forgive is to be strong.

so i'm everything but that,

i am a coward,

i am weak,

i am just one of many,

cattle in a slaughterhouse.

i want to be the pillow you sleep on.

when you go to sleep,

sleep well, sleep deep,

you are one of many God's gifts,

to me, to the world,

your beauty is a blessing,

and so is being part of your life.

i love when you are silly,

i love when you're not,

and as rain pours down my face tonight,

sleep well, sleep tight,

for you are loved.

i fear losing you again,

i fear losing hope,

and as i dwelve deeper in this night,

my fears only grow.

God, i pray you take care of her soul,

i pray you give her everything i can not,

in this and every other night,

don't fear the sleep,

close your eyes,

sleep well and worry not,

tomorow will be better.

sing so i can sleep,

swim through my hair with your fingernails,

make my bed yours,

close all the doors.

 

help me escape this world,

look me in the eyes,

hold me close to your heart,

never let me go.

 

amidst all the chaos,

you are the peace i desire,

give new meaning to my tears,

read my lips.

 

under the moonlight,

lets fall in love,

lets make a world where,

the moon and sun can be together.

 

as God as our witness,

lets make vows to each other,

let me caress your heart with poems,

as your old wounds heal.

 

i was created to find you,

my mission can only be completed with you,

you are the only path,

you are the sky above.

 

help me escape this world,

look me in the eyes,

hold me close to your heart,

never let me go.

 

 

 

the sun is a person,

i have met her last year,

the sun is the woman,

that brightens up my screen.

she is warm and kind,

she radiates energy,

the kind that awakens the soul,

and, my soul, being no differant,

awakened with a just a glance.

last night i prayed to god,

that he would make the lies dissapear,

as if god sent you to me,

with just a conversation,

i believed again.

the sun is food for many,

and needed by all.

if she is the sun,

i am a sunflower.

i am sorry.

i will never get to see you,

cruel is the faith i carved in stone,

my destiny, dark and cold,

brings my suffering to an end.

i am sorry,

i won't be there when you need,

i won't be there when you don't need,

i won't be there.

life is pain,

hollow is my heart.

i am sorry.

i wish for a world where me and you carry not the weight of solitude. for years i have had nights where my sleep is deprived by ideas and words. words i can not understand. ideas i can not grasp.

my heart believes that i am yours. yet, it also believes, that you are not mine. my mind knows that my porpuse is to be yours and yours alone. i was not meant to do or create great things. my life, boring and simple, earns a new meaning by being able to support someone like you. you are someone meant for greatness.

i know that being yourself may be sometimes hard. you might feel you aren't good enough. my only mission in this life, and the others that will come, is to help you see that you are wrong when you think those silly toughts. you are not enough only because that is your belief. that is the weight someone only great could carry.

looking at you, i see everything i want to be. in you, i see everything but myself. your soul is so deeply connected to this world that you feel other people's pain. you consider what others might suffer. consideration is a gift only those blessed by the universe earn. 

i have not regreted, a single time, our temporary departure because that, by itself, was the road we had to persue. a world where me, and you, are not soulmates. you are my soulmate but i am not yours. so i will do everything i can and anything i can't in order to help you reach your full potential. i know you will keep growing with or without me but i would like to have the privelage to contribute to your growth. because, even thou i wasn't meant for anything great, i would still like to be part of greatness. and, in you, that is what i find.

i hope you know that my decision is my own. love is a strange yet natural thing to happen. and somehow i feel that my love for you transcends time and life. in the past, present or future. in this or any other life. i love and will always love you.

quando escrevo canto,

com palavras encanto,

com meias verdades escondo,

exatamente o mesmo que confesso,

e, quando me expresso,

mergulho para o fundo,

do meu ser.

há quem beba para esquecer,

há quem se ocupe para não pensar.

não quero esquecer,

quero continuar a pensar,

então bebo o sumo da minha memória

enquanto penso na cara dela.

já nem olho pela janela,

vivo ausenta de glória.

não me banho,

não como.

a minha vista, tapada pelo fumo,

revela tudo o que já não tenho.

a chama que ardia,

ainda arde,

por vezes, mais forte em que o dia,

que nos encontrámos ao final da tarde.

na ausência de companhia,

encontro o conforto da solidão.

estou só mas não estou sozinho,

imagino quando no meu ouvido ainda ouvia,

o bater do seu coração,

forte e feito de linho.

i love you,

not because you are special.

everyone is special.

you, you're something else.

you are able to fit in a crowd,

yet, to me, in a crowd full of special people,

your simplicity and imperfections are what stand out the most.

when i look at you, i see a person.

a person just like any other person.

you are a child of the world,

and, to you, the world is your home.

to me, my home is wherever you are.

because in my eyes and in my heart you are all that matters.

looking at you, i feel i am daydreaming.

i feel as if the clouds, beneath me, remove all the weight i've been carrying.

what we see when we open our eyes is not always real.

all my life i have battled with the notion of reality.

what is reality and how do i know if my reality is real?

touching the tip of your finger, with mine, 

takes away my doubts.

and, as if the rain was cleasing my soul,

i see clearly.

my words are not worthy to be read by you.

not because they don't carry the same scent as you.

not even because their beauty doesn't resemble yours.

my words aren't worthy because no words i could ever write,

would match the purity you carry inside and out.

even so, i write.

i will always write about you.

because to me, you are the meaning behind every letter,

you are the reason behind every smile.

you are the reason why...

    in the sleepness nights i embrace my hollow thoughts and narrow view just so i can think, and write, texts, and poems, of you. you. yes, you who lingers in my mind, you who embraces me with your shadow. you who keeps me awake and you who wakes up my desires and cravings. 

    in my ever lasting dreams i yearn for a touch. a touch that only you can give. while i sleep i sink deeper in to the chaos that is my unconcious. as i sink deep and deeper i notice several hands of several people who desperatly try to reach out and pull me back to the world of the living. i search, in those hands, fingerprints. the fingerprints that match the inprints of the ink that taints the white paper sheets. 

    on an empty canvas i see everything but the emptyness. in my state of hunger for love and a way of out of loneliness i shout words yet make no sound. in the need i have for your atention i realize that all i ever wanted was to be noticed. not by anyone. anyone but you.

    

    in some songs i can find confort. confort in knowing that me and you are still dancing somewhere other than here. here, in this reality, the only dance that we are able to do is the dance of avoidance and hatred towards each other. i often regret the knowledge that comes with the ability to love. so i pray, on my knees, that i forget how the warmth of your heart resonated with the blizzard that surrounds my soul.

    i once dared to dream a dream where me and you could survive without killing each other. i once believed that we would learn, mold and adapt to our surroundings. but, darling, oh darling, how wrong was i in believing in such an idealistic yet irrealistic truth.

    in life, the only truth i found was the truth in the lies that we are told from the momment of our conception. "from womb to tomb, we are bound to others. and by each act and each kindess we birth our future". 

    i gave. i gave all i had and all i never had. my eyes are dry and i can no longer cry. the river that flew in me as bleed out for as long as it could. in the desired cold that is death, i find an exit to this reality and this truth that we can't escape from by any other means. in my death, i find confort. in my death i find everything. everything but you. and to me, even thou alive, i feel dead ever since the momment we departed ways and turned our backs towards each other.

    i did not get the chance to meet you. you, queen of all hearts but mine. my grave, more empty than what's inside of me, holds nothing. no body. no soul. no me. holding nothing or being held by the nothingness that was being alive. between something bad or something worse i choose non. i choose to not exist in this world where being myself is more painful than all the pain i ever felt. being myself, i could not have been anything else. and, if being something else would've made me happier, i am glad i never was anything but me.